THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING SEXY

Let me begin by saying that I am not apologetic about the title of this post. It might sound a trifle decadent, but read on. This post comes after some newspaper reading and televiewing this November. I am referring to an article in ‘Grazia’, two articles in ‘The Telegraph’ supplementaries and last Sunday’s ‘Ghosh and Co.’ on Star Jalshaa. All of them have compelled me to embark on this agenda — to speak up for women who are more than a sum of the trite and stereotypical notions that men have of them. And why the need for such an agenda? Nothing more than to put up a small albeit desperately required fight against popular ideas that are basically a lot of hogwash.

I have nothing against the articles or the television programme in question because finally all of them have raised pertinent questions. Well, no more beating about the bush.

The October issue of ‘Grazia’ informed me about something I have observed for quite some time now. Men do not ‘fancy’ funny women. According to the results of a research led by Dr. Rod Martin, a psychologist at the University of Western Ontario, along with several academics from the University of Massachusetts and McMaster University, Ontario, while men like the odd joke coming from a woman, the do not ‘fancy’ women who are proficient at tickling their ribs (literal meaning to be ignored). They’d rather that the women they date or wed form an adoring audience when the men choose to be humorous. But women delivering clever witticisms and impromptu punch lines are a big no. Men think of comedy as a male prerogative. So, while there are stand-up comediennes who are quite popular, they are often perceived as ‘mannish’ and therefore, not sexually desirable. The research revealed that some men even perceive such women to be lesbians. Ellen DeGeneres has conclusively solved the problem for herself (of course, assuming that she faced any) by being an out-of-the-closet lesbian. I wonder whether, in turn, her being gay and in the media glare have not aided such perceptions to take root in the minds of many. And I cannot help but feel sorry for all those comediennes who are funny and straight. If finding Mr. Right is anywhere on their to-do list, they could be rueing the day they chose their profession.

Speaking of lesbians leads me to refer to an article in yesterday’s ‘The Telegraph’(7 Days). Supposedly mainstream Hindi cinema has finally had the guts to portray a gay relationship—in ‘Dostana’. Let us not forget that it is a sham one portrayed by two ‘macho’ men from filmdom who are confirmed heterosexuals in real life. Good for them. Precisely because, therefore, I do not see brickbats flying towards them from our moral and cultural police. However, while gay relationships could be gaining acceptance on the big screen in India, portrayal of women in same-sex relationships in mainstram Hindi films have more to do with sleaze and titillation than with reality. ‘Girlfriend’ and ‘Men Not Allowed’ are case in points and ‘Fire’, released in 1998, had to die an untimely death after protests from anti-gay activists. Lesson to be learnt—a majority of the women in India are still sexually oppressed and so, doubly marginalized lesbians cannot suddenly find their place under the sun. Can they? They are at best—not to be spoken of, and at worst—hussies.

What about men who are androgynous, who flutter eyelids and move their hands in the air while talking as only women are expected to do? They are the butts of incessant ridicule and objects of ‘tamasha’—all stemming from years of social conditioning and a deep-seated belief that boys just don’t cry. And hence Rituparno Ghosh’s OTT lashing out at the mimic in radio jockey Mir. A learned colleague I have is given the same treatment behind his back by his own co-workers. No wonder he refuses to share the same lounge with them. A point to be noted is that when it comes to tomboyish girls and ‘mannish’ women, they are not so much the objects of laughter as they are women who need to be taught to get in touch with their feminine side in order to become more acceptable and thus sexually desirable to men. Real life abounds with many such cases and so can literature or reel life be far behind? Think Aparna Sen’s character in Ray’s ‘Shamaapti’(adapted from Tagore), think Konkona Sen Sharma’s character in ‘Aaja Nachle’, think Amrita Arora’s character in ‘Main Hoon Na’(way more recent examples)—all reminiscent of girl novels of yore that harped on the importance of femininity in women as a means to their success in domestic and social life.It is still about pandering to men and their idea of the ideal wife, mother and whore. And yet we say, the times…they are a changing!

Finally, coming to the article that was published in ‘The Telegraph’(T2) sometime early this month, I realize that the idea it had tried to put forth reflects India today and the way the country has reawakened to sex. The article was about how impressionable children and adolescents in India, because of easy access to television programmes like ‘Splitsvilla’ and ‘The Big Boss’ with quite an undeniable amount of sexual content in them, are no longer children in the true sense. I could not have agreed more. My experience as a teacher reinforces this view day in and day out. I do not just deal with raging hormones, I deal with youngsters, especially girls, who have not yet learned to quell a spasm of nerves before an insignificant class assessment and yet who won’t bat an eyelid before unbuttoning a button or two in class or on their way to tuitions to grab the attention of older boys because, if you are not sexually attractive and wily from twelve or thirteen, you are very likely to grow up into undesirable ‘behenjis’ and then wouldn’t life become quite meaningless?

In the day and age where youth and physical beauty are celebrated more than merit and intellect, where the Priyanka Chopras and Lindsay Lohans are regarded as role models for girls rather than the Marie Curies and Margaret Thatchers, girls in a largely patriarchal world learn at quite a tender age the importance of being sexy.